Today I’m going to tell you about where I was over a year ago, when I finally said f**k it and decided to record another album. Once you’re done reading this message I have for you today, I have a feeling you’ll feel a lot less alone. I had just gotten back from a trip to Florida with my 2 year old twins (we went to Florida in June…mistakes were made!) The entire time I was there I felt so uncomfortable. Not just because traveling with twins is an extreme sport. But I felt so off inside.
I felt rage-y, like a stranger in my own post-babies body, and frustrated that I felt so frustrated. Isn’t a beautiful vacation with your gorgeous family supposed to be like a peak life experience? I was very much not in peak mode. I looked in my savings account app (Qapital, I LOVE IT) and I saw that my goal to record another album was met. In fact, it had been met for 6 months. I'd been saving for a long time to record.
But I hadn’t booked it. Instead I thought I needed to be out doing Instagram worthy mom things like going to Florida and getting C*VID. What was I doing? I had the money! I had diligently saved. My former self would have been so excited but I was stuck majorly on pause. I sat in the shower, where my best emo thinking happens, because there are no kids in there. And I realized I had a choir of criticism in my head. Here’s a sample of those cute little inner demons:
No one cares about your music.
You’re too old!
You don’t have time, your kids need you.
Your body doesn't look good enough (this one is so real & so absurd).
Brett will have to help you, you don’t deserve his help.
You’re too old! I repeat, you’re a cringey millennial now.
Music isn't’ gonna happen. If it was meant to be, you’d be doing it.
The thing about me is, I have this switch that flips when I feel challenged and I get activated. (I'm a Scorpio) Finally my inner rebel took over. I emailed my producer and we kicked off the Honeymoon recordings. It was kind of hell sometimes. Pretty sure I got COVID twice during the process. My kids were sick about a Zillion times. The day we were supposed to track drums for Celebrity, my girls were puking and I had to stay home. Recording vocals was my actual nightmare because I am SO hard on myself. I drove away from the studio a few times feeling like, well, at least you’re trying…but this sh!t sucks. I just kept going. Just kept showing up, even though I felt totally lost in the middle of it. Maybe it’s being a mom? I have a newfound ability to just keep going? Maybe it’s being older? I just care less about the outside world, and more about my inside world? The truth is, it has been worth it. To trust my own creative desire. To break free from the inner critic that we ALL hear. Whatever comes from the actual release of this music, is just icing on the cake that is my life. Happily married, two girls that are beyond, and the contentment I feel from knowing that I didn’t abandon myself. I am a musician. I can say that now with conviction, and it’s the biggest relief. Today, I tell you. You’re not too old. It’s not too late. Whatever you try, it won’t be a waste, even if it’s not perfect. Do the thing you want to do. xo Brynn
P.S. The absolute best thing you can do is go to Spotify and stream the songs and hit "like". Seriously. Those little "hearts" you press on Spotify are powerful, they tell the algorithm that Brynn Andre's new music is HOT STUFF. So get ready to stream and heart all the songs! Next week.