I thought I'd share just a mini book teaser with you today. My editor and I are hard at work polishing it up for release. I've been feeling needy lately, which is something I talk about in the book.
A sentimental song came on the radio, my heart flew open and the tears flowed. It was one of those angry yet innocent cries. And these words were coming out of my mouth, “I wish my dad were here. I wish my dad would help me with this kitchen. I want my dad.”
No one is more surprised than me about that episode. I had done so much work to “detach with love” as they say. I tried so hard not to need people. I have a pathological aversion to feeling “need”. That’s probably why I eat my face off when times are tough. I miss my dad? Well there’s Dairy Queen, load up. My relentless independence is really not independence at all. It is a defense mechanism. If I do not need you, you can’t reject me. Clever right?
Is it any wonder why I pushed all my former loves away. Is it any wonder that the only thing I allow myself to need is a pastry in a dimly lit restaurant. Or if we’re being serious, my dimly lit living room surrounded by throw blankets and food delivery boxes. The way I seek comfort is the most destructive place of all.